you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
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She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
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I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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