I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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