and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think your dad took our porno
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
