sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
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My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
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Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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