I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
