I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
