So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
