He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
