My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
