she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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