How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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