No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
