i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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