Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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