I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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