I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
