She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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