I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
