walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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