I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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