Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
BRING THE BAGELS
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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