What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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