Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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