We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
