We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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