If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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