If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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