you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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