You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
whose parrot is this?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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