tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
