these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
