No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
