a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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