we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
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I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
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And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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