am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
pray to the hookup gods
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
