how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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