wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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