Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
