eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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