Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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