I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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