I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
