I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
