Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
