we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
