meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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