going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
