shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
