I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
