I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
