Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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