forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
