its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
