Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
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so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
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my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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