I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You smell like stripper and shame
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
