I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
