He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
