If i could tip my vagina, i would.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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