just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
