the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
