yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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