so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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