Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
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Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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