girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
